Weeks, if that, left to live ...

There's no more surgery. Doctors say he won't survive. We signed a DNR providing our persmission to not have him survive artificially if his lungs or heart were to fail. This gave him a purple bracelet so if sirens were to go off in his ICU room with a water view were to go off the staff is to just turn them off and let him pass. We don't want him to suffer anymore.

We're no longer in a curative, recovery mode. The infection in his lungs is not completely draining. His enzymes are too high in his liver caused from some kind of liver issue - the cancer did not spread there, this they know from a CT scan today. This issue has caused him to look of jaundice. His eyes and skin are very yellow. They'd know what was wrong with his liver if they did a biopsy but whatever it may be wouldn't change thei management of him. Right now they want to treat his acute issues such as working on the lung infection and getting him stable enough to come home.

He has a feeding tube, but they are unable to to feed him through it because he keeps throwing up and we don't want him to aspirate. He even through up blod. They think the cancer may have spread to the lungs and fluid and around the lungs. They are running a citology test on this and we'll have results tomorrow. This would mean he is in Stage 4 cancer.

Right now we just want to make him stable and maintainable so we can get him home to enjoy his last few months, weeks or even days of life in the comfort of his home with his family and dogs. We want to take him to the beach. We want him to ride in Barry's cobra. We want to have a family get together at the house. We want to celebrate his life while he is still alive. We're already setting up for a in-home Hospice to help.

He is in a lot of pain - especially stomach pain. There is brown liquid coming out of his lungs and stomach. They are also giving him morphine. All the medicine and the trauma he has been through has caused him to not be there mentally. He also had a pinpoint stroke. His eyes roll in the back of his head and he makes "uh" noises all the time. We asked him where he was and the past few days he says Tampa General, correctly, but today he said Travis as in Travis Air Force Base in Cali where he was in 1976 ... he also didn't know who one of his daughters was right away. He says random things like "lets get the ball rolling ... how's the chicken ... that feels good ... I want to go to the front office .. I'm on base ... Gearge Bush" It's very scary. He has no personality and it is almost like he is off in la-la land. His doctor is even from Texas and went to school in San Antonio and we tried to tell him that because it hits close to home but Daddy didn't seem to acknowledge it. All that matters is that he says "I love you," which he does and I make sure I say it and hear it everytime I leave that room.

Right now we don't even know if he will even make it through the night. The hospital just called and said that his Oxygen significantly dropped and they had to put him on 100% Oxygen and he isn't getting enough fluids in his system. They said he is not doing well at all. My mom and I are probably going to head to the hospital in a few ... we don't want him to die alone.

I just want my Daddy to come home and be in comfort and peace with us. I'm still praying for a miracle.

I heard this song on the radio on the way home today and found comfort in it ... Justin Moore, If Heaven Wasn't so far Away ... LiveStrong Daddy. We love you.